BELARUS NEWS AND ANALYSIS

DATE:

07/05/2008

Oh Canada, China and Belarus, we stand on guard for thee

Posted By Merriam, Jim

When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bustling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

Dale Carnegie

Canada's politicians are in a bit of a tizzy over the fact that the uniforms for our Olympic team are made in China. Meanwhile, the designer, Tu Ly, thinks it's "quite funny."

Ly, and others like him, might be onto something here with this made-in-China idea. Instead of just importing our Olympic uniforms from China, perhaps we could import some athletes from around the world as well.

One place to start might be Belarus, a landlocked country that is somewhere in the neighbourhood of Lithuania and Latvia.

Since a third of that country is forested and agriculture and manufacturing are its strongest economic sectors, you might wonder why Belarus.

Why would anyone in their right mind - let alone someone whose sanity is suspect at the best of times such as yours truly - suggest we import athletes from such a place?

Well, for one thing, Belarusians (or should that be Belarusites?) won more medals at the last summer Olympics in 2004 than we did.

Belarus, with a population of less than 10 million people, won 14 medals. Canada, with more than 33 million people, brought home 12.

And isn't that always the case? Going into each Olympics the Canadian cheerleaders tell us we're going to take over the podium in event after event. Then, when the Games are over, we get a barrage of excuses for why that didn't happen. Of course we also get the obligatory promise to do better next time.

Well next time is here and really all we know is that we have made-in-China uniforms for all those who are off to compete for our home and native land.

If we're going to adopt this plan to import athletes in an attempt to win more medals, we don't have to limit our search to Belarus. Perhaps we could import some from China, which placed third in the medal count four years ago. (That means the Chinese won enough medals to melt down and make an earring or tie tack for most of their countrymen. Hey, we could import those trinkets too. But I digress.)

If we were able to import some Chinese athletes, they could present another advantage. For example, maybe they'd come pre-uniformed, which surely would save us a bunch of time and money in the fitting room at least.

As is always the case American and British athletes won a lot more gold, silver and bronze than we did in 2004. You might not remember some of the other countries that left us crying at the ping pong table. These included France, Italy, South Korea, Cuba, Romania and Spain, in addition to others.

If we're going to develop an import plan we should bear in mind the fact that the 2008 Olympics will include some new events which might open up the field a bit. For BMX racing we could look to a country where bicycles outnumber cars and marathon swimmers might come from those regions of the world that are plagued by floods.

On the subject of swimming, maybe Michael Phelps from the U.S. could be talked into moving north. After all in 2004 he single-handedly won eight medals, which is three-quarters of the total medals claimed by our entire Olympic contingent, which numbered 267 people. In a report on the 2004 games, Macleans told us about a headline in the Athens News that read "Canada, Russia producing excuses not results." In another report, "The nation's Olympic theme has been Woe, Canada," wrote Philadelphia Inquirer writer Frank Fitzpatrick, who noted Australia was near the top of the medal count despite a population one-third smaller than Canada's.

Last time out, Macleans also talked about the uniforms. "The chance to wear a Canadian uniform had to be consolation enough for veteran minor-leaguer Andy Stewart. 'It's just an unbelievable feeling,' he said, 'to play for the name on the front of your jersey instead of the one on your back.' "

This year, however, it's not the name on the front or the back that is causing all the problems. It's the name on that annoying little tag that rubs on the back of your neck.

This whole uniform controversy tells us quite a bit about ourselves. Remember this is the same country to which a Canadian agency (either Canada Post or the mint, I can't remember which) imported plastic boxes from China and then hired a special workforce to remove the labels so none of us would know.

But back to the big Games. If you have an Olympic party your guests will arrive in a vehicle, watch the games on a TV, phone their friends or family on a cellphone and eat snacks off dinnerware. Chances are all of these products were manufactured in some other country.

After the party's over you'll sweep up with a broom made in China. About the only thing Canadian about the day will be the landfill where your garbage ends up.

And the people responsible for some of this think it's funny. Geez! Jim Merriam's Funny Farm appears Wednesdays and Saturdays. jmerriam@thesuntimes.ca

Source:

http://www.owensoundsuntimes.com/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=1016556

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